Former Dallas Cowboys linebacker Jeff Rohrer, 59, who recently came out as gay and was scheduled to get married to Joshua Ross on Sunday in Los Angeles, on what the experience of coming out late in life (to the New York Times and Outsports) has taught him:
Note: Rohrer was the Cowboys’ second-round pick in 1982, out of Yale, and played 83 games over six seasons with the Cowboys. In 1987, when the Cowboys swept the Super Bowl champion Giants, Rohrer had a sack of Phil Simms in both games, per Pro Football Reference.
“Wow. What have I learned? A lot of things. The one big thing I learned recently that maybe I didn’t know is that if you’re a good person, and you have had good relationships with people, and you’ve treated people with respect, you’re going to get that back. That is what has happened to me, and it’s been wonderful.
“How incredibly nice my friends and teammates have been to me! I don’t deserve it!”
[Over the phone from Califormia, Rohrer got emotional and began crying.]
“My high school friends, my Yale friends, my Cowboys teammates, my friends from the film business in California, it’s because of the press this week that they found out. No one knew before that. I didn’t tell anyone. It is shocking how well everyone has reacted to me. They’re saying, We’re so happy for you—so happy for your family, and we can’t wait to meet Josh. Things like that. I’ve had like 150 texts, and I’ve got it down to 30, but more keep coming.
“The world is a great place today.
“You know what I learned from it? We are moving forward as a society. The train has left the station, and you can either be on that train and move forward, or you can sit at the station. Your choice.
“It’s hard for anyone to understand what it was like for me growing up, and in the NFL. Now that I’m out, I know that you’re either born gay or you’re not. And when I was growing up, it simply couldn’t be a part of my life. I was a scholar-athlete in high school, and being gay did not fit into that profile. I was a scholar-athlete at Yale, and it did not fit into that profile. I was a Cowboy, and it didn’t fit into that profile.
“My life was suppressed and managed. So, I got drafted by the Dallas Cowboys and I’m gonna be gay now? No. I don’t think so. Not with the Dallas Cowboys in 1982.
“My life just went on. I was gay, but that was not a part of who I was then. I got married. I loved my wife [Heather]. Still do, even though we are divorced. I still live with my ex-wife and my two kids and Joshua. We’re the happiest family ever. We’ve got the happiest house in town.
“And now I’m gonna be who I am. I am so happy. I’m not Jekyll and Hyde anymore. I’m not the monster.
“So … what would I say to young people who might be in my shoes today? I would say, everybody has their own situation, their own clock, their own calendar. Some people today might say, ‘It’s better now. Come out tomorrow.’ For some people that’s the right thing; you’re happy and you’re free. But people have to make their own decision. It’s a very personal decision. Ultimately, it’s taking me most of life, 59 years, to make this choice. But I can’t make it for anyone else.”
“You played for Tom Landry—the only coach you had in your NFL career. What would he have thought about you today?”
“Tom Landry was one of the most amazing people I’ve ever had in my life. He was all about love and understanding with his players. I loved Tom Landry. He was a man of the Bible, and a good Christian man. So he probably wouldn’t have liked this. But I think he would have loved me no matter what.”