Getty Images

The Bachelorette Recap Week 3.2: Ding, Dong, Chad is gone … or not

Leave a comment

I didn’t think I could handle watching four hours of The Bachelorette in the span of 26 hours, let alone writing two of these recaps, but so be it, here we are.

There was ANOTHER random country concert (seriously, expand the Rolodex or bag the concert and send them somewhere better than western Pennsylvania), Ben Roethlisberger and Co., a hefty amount of Fireball, a big moment for Luke the Failed Country Singer and, of course, the Alex-Chad showdown the producers had been building toward for the better part of three weeks. Let’s get right into it.

The Downfall of Chad

We’ll start here instead of the MVP, because I’ve gotta keep the seven people reading this (hi, Jamie) on their toes. My fiancee says it was “early” for the two-on-one date, but it seemed properly placed for me. For those unaware, the two-on-one date is essentially the Bachelor/Bachelorette’s version of the wild card play-in game. Two guys go in, one goes home and the Chad-House (but specifically Alex) relationship had gotten to the point of resolution. Otherwise, you’re just going to drag a series out until everyone stops watching the same storylines over and over and over.

Three main observations:

  1. Chad made a major tactical error by failing to keep his temper in check for ONE AFTERNOON. Seriously dude. All you needed to do was not threaten to track someone down and beat them up once the show ended and you could’ve played the “I’ve changed” card with JoJo. Instead, Chad essentially threatened to go Boba Fett on Aaron Rodgers’ brother IN FRONT OF EVERYONE. Did you think Alex wasn’t going to bring that up?
  2. Alex essentially sacrificed his long-term success to get Chad out of the picture. Maybe it’s better for the house and the show (doubtful) in the long run, but Alex had one-on-one time with JoJo and spent all the time we saw complaining about Chad (again). Now, this time it worked and Chad actually got the boot, but there’s no chance it works out well in the long run for Alex after JoJo essentially friend-zoned Alex before the date even started.
  3. The Chad-Olivia comparisons were in full swing Tuesday night, starting with Chad believing he had some secret connection that no one else saw. But the real comparison was the way they bounced Chad, leaving him stranded on a rock surrounded by water with not so much as a goodbye. There was even the depressing overhead shot with Chad wandering and looking stunned in the middle of nowhere. Of course, the difference was Chad went completely insane, tracking the house THROUGH THE FREAKIN’ WOODS and knocking on the door of the guy’s hotel suite/house right as the credits rolled. CLIFFHANGER.
    1. This was gotta be producer-aided, right? There’s no way Chad has the skills to go from a river in the middle of nowhere and track through the woods to find the hotel/house. Either that or the producers were so brazenly insane that they let a roid raging madman chase down the woman who just dumped him and the guys he threatened to hunt down and destroy. I can’t decide which.

MVP

The march of ARB (Aaron Rodgers’ brother) is in full effect. I have to say I appreciate the way the producers slow-played the inevitable love affair between ARB and JoJo. The chemistry was pretty obvious from the jump, but they didn’t jump right into it and let it simmer slowly under the surface of Chad’s rage boil. Now, with the Chad storyline winding down, ARB is making his move and I must say, he’s playing this perfectly. JoJo tells him he’s being too closed off, so he flips the table in their one-on-one time and asks her what she’s thinking. Well-done, sir. Well-done.

Some other ARB notes:

  1. At first, it seemed unfair that they didn’t put ARB on a team during the football challenge. LET THE MAN SHINE, amiright? But, as the fiancee pointed out, JoJo essentially positioned him as guaranteed to make the extra date after the game. I see you, JoJo.
    1. Related note: ARB, man, STOP THROWING END ZONE FADES.
    2. Other related note: There’s something comical and demeaning about ARB wearing 11 since Aaron Rodgers wears 12.
  2. It was pretty funny that Big Ben pretended like he didn’t know who ARB was. “He’s Aaron’s brother, right?” Yeah, OK.
  3. How quickly would ARB call the police if Chad actually showed up at his door like three months after taping? He’s gotta have the local precinct on speed dial, right?

Secondary MVP

BIG BEN! Seriously though, I would pay for a second-screen experience in which Big Ben watches The Bachelorette and provides real-time commentary while tossing Cheetos into his mouth.

Thing I learned about my fiancee

I think if we ever run into the Former Professional Swimmer, there’s a 70 percent chance I’m going to lose her. There’s fawning and then there’s the act I witnessed last night. I’m concerned.

Random hot tub in the middle of nowhere

This seems to be a Bachelor/Bachelorette trope. On Ben’s season, they put it in the middle of the field. This time, it’s in the middle of the woods. Is there “a guy” who’s specialty is hooking up hot tubs in the middle of nowhere for reality TV shows?

The perplexing case of Vinnie

You might know Vinnie as the barber with the terrible style. My fiancee called him “Barber with the Bad Hair.” How does this guy keep getting a rose? I haven’t seen a single moment of him with JoJo, he dresses like a neon sign and he’s a barber with a bad haircut! That’s like being a sports journalist who writes a crappy reality TV recap.

Texas

How many men/women on this franchise come from Texas? It’s gotta be 40 percent, right? I think reality TV is one of Texas’ top five exports at this point.

Random thoughts

  • So many leather jackets this season. Do you think the producers told everyone that JoJo likes leather jackets or did they all just read GQ, Complex and Esquire too many times before packing for the show?
  • That sled dog date was BS. It wasn’t even snowing! They essentially made the dogs peddle a bike for them.
  • They were definitely drinking Andre in the hot tub and at the house. I’m not sure whether I should be proud or ashamed. Probably both.
  • Lighten up, Luke.
  • Evan, man. That’s a tough week. It’s probably the end of the road soon.

Quote of the week

“This is for America!” — ARB on Alex trying to get Chad off the show.

No, ARB, this was not for America. America wants more Chad.

Alaskan Native Pete Kaiser wins Iditarod sled dog race

AP Images
Leave a comment

ANCHORAGE, Alaska (AP) Pete Kaiser won the Iditarod early Wednesday, throwing his arms over his head and pumping his fists as he became the latest Alaska Native to claim victory in the iconic sled dog race.

Kaiser, 31, crossed the finish line in Nome after beating back a challenge from the defending champion, Norwegian musher Joar Ulsom.

Crowds cheered and clapped as Kaiser came off the Bering Sea ice and mushed down Nome’s main street to the famed burled arch finish line. His wife and children greeted him, hugging him at the conclusion of the 1,000-mile (1,600-kilometer) race, which began March 3 north of Anchorage.

Kaiser, who is Yupik, is from the southwest Alaska community of Bethel. A large contingent of Bethel residents flew to Nome to witness his victory. Alaska Native dancers and drummers performed near the finish line as they waited for Kaiser to arrive.

Kaiser will receive $50,000 and a new pickup truck for the victory. Four other Alaska Native mushers have won the race, including John Baker, an Inupiaq from Kotzebue, in 2011.

This year’s race was marked by the stunning collapse of Frenchman Nicolas Petit, who was seemingly headed for victory as late as Monday.

Petit, a native of France living in Alaska, had a five-hour lead and was cruising until his dog team stopped running between the Shaktoolik and Koyuk checkpoints.

Petit said one dog was picking on another during a rest break, and he yelled at the dog to knock it off. At that point, the entire team refused to run.

Petit had to withdraw, and the dog team had to be taken back to the previous checkpoint by snowmobile.

Fifty-two mushers began the race in Willow. Petit was among 10 racers who withdrew during the race.

The race took mushers and their dog teams over two mountain ranges, along the frozen Yukon River and then across the treacherous, wind-swept Bering Sea coast to the finish line in Nome.

This year’s race came during a bruising two-year stretch for the Iditarod that included a dog doping scandal and the loss of national sponsors amid protests by animal rights activists.

French musher was leading Iditarod, but then his dogs quit

AP Images
Leave a comment

ANCHORAGE, Alaska (AP) Musher Nicolas Petit lost a huge lead in the Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Race on Monday when his dog team refused to keep going after he yelled at one of the animals.

A dog named Joey had been fighting with another dog on the team and jumped it during a break on the way to the Bering Sea checkpoint of Koyuk.

“I yelled at Joey, and everybody heard the yelling, and that doesn’t happen,” Petit told the Iditarod Insider website. “And then they wouldn’t go anymore. Anywhere. So we camped here.”

Several mushers passed Petit’s team on the trail, erasing his five-hour lead in the race. Pete Kaiser of Alaska was the first musher into Koyuk, followed 11 minutes later by defending champion Joar Ulsom of Norway.

The checkpoint is 827 miles (1,330 kilometers) into the 1,000-mile (1,600-kilometer) race across Alaska.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, a frequent critic of the race, didn’t immediately return a message seeking comment Monday.

Petit said his dogs are well-fed and there’s no medical issue keeping them from getting up and running.

“It’s just a head thing,” he said. “We’ll see if one of these dog teams coming by will wake them up at all.”

For Petit, it’s another bad memory from the stretch between the Shaktoolik and Koyuk checkpoints.

He was in command of last year’s race when he got off trail during a blizzard and lost the lead. He wound up finishing second behind Ulsom.

“Something about right here, huh?” he mused.

The race started March 2 in Willow, just north of Anchorage. The course through the Alaska wilderness took mushers over two mountain ranges and the frozen Yukon River before they reached the treacherous Bering Sea coast.

The winner is expected to come off the sea ice and mush down Nome’s main street to the finish line sometime in the middle of the week.