The Bachelorette Recap Week 3.1: Bad Chad, Failed Football Players and the next Bachelor

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It’s a two-part, two-episode Bachelorette week! That means TWO, yes TWO hastily-compiled, moderately-incomplete Bachelorette recaps from your 17th-favorite recapper.

It was another Chad-centric week, although this one felt even more combative than last week’s deli meat extrvaganze. Also, we finally got a bit more of the presumptive favorite, Aaron Rodgers’ brother and the random “surprise” country performance in the middle of a date. What if the date doesn’t like country? What if they want Future or Gucci? What if they’re more of an 80’s Joel head? I feel like the Bachelor franchise is really invested in propping up country artists 30 seconds at a time. Personally, I’d rather lose my mind to some March Madness than be serenaded by the 175th song to talk about pickup trucks, red solo cups and dogs.

Anyway, date songs and Chad antics aside (we’ll get there), this week also saw another fairly important development:

MVP

James Taylor is here for the crown!

I’ll admit, the guitar schtick seemed pretty stupid at first (it still is), but JoJo seems to be digging the “dude playing at the open mic 2-3 years too late) vibe JT is putting out. There was definitely a connection when he sang whatever that was on the top of the car. To me, they seem like high school sweethearts who stay together two years too long into college before she leaves him and immediately starts dating the put-together dude in her Psych 302 class.

That said, I think JT is here for a long time and I’m dubbing him the early favorite for the next Bachelor.

The two sides of Chad

Within a 20-minute span, my fiancee said something along the lines of “Chad’s right!” and “Chad is such a (word we can’t use here)!” Thus is the dichotomy of Chad. At once, he’s the most honest person I’ve ever seen on this show and yet that honesty, and the “ALLEGED” roid rage, make him inherently unlikable for long stretches. At once, you want to see more of Chad and see him potentially get punched in the face.

On a related note, Chad’s exit seems to be rapidly approaching, which is a tad surprising. Although I never thought he’d last THAT long, it seems JoJo is far less willing to put up with his crazy mood swings than Ben was with Olivia last season. There’s also a 38-percent chance Chad gets sent home for turning into Wolverine at the pool party in part two of this week.

Chad is right about Evan

Look, no one condones bullying and Chad has definitely gone way too far, but Chad is probably on to something when he says Evan was bullied his whole life and picked this moment to fight back. You have one chance to impress JoJo and you use it to pick a fight and make fun of someone else (WHILE ROCKING THAT HAIRCUT.)? And then you throw down an ultimatum that Chad’s gotta go AND chase down Chris Harrison?!

(Side note: Chris Harrison literally had the “Dude, have you ever watched the show before” face on during that entire talk with Evan. He couldn’t have given less of an eff.)

Chad might be a jerk, but Evan is annoying.

Security rent-a-cops

Does anyone think any of those “security guards” could stop Chad if Chad really decided to unleash berserker mode? Yeah, didn’t think so.

Wanted: Gym setup in house full of workout freaks

Why are the guys lifting weights on a random box in front of the pool? Is there really no gym setup in this house? That seems like a short-sighted move by the showrunners.

Or, and hear me out here, did Chad bring all of those weights with him to the show and refuses to use the gym? I need this question answered.

Aaron Rodgers’ brother

Jordan seemed like a lock for the final two after the first week, but he’s been a background player for most of the past two weeks. We did get an awesome tete-a-tete with ARB and Chad, which Chad simultaneously won and lost (as he’s wont to do) with the “You’re a 27-year-old failed football player” jab.

I’m gonna need to see more from ARB if we’re going to realize my goal of seeing Aaron Rodgers and Olivia Munn having dinner with JoJo at mom and dad’s house.

Random notes

  • JoJo really likes the nails on the back of the neck thing. I can’t tell if she uses it when she’s into the moment or if it’s just her thing.
  • Is JoJo ever going to go on one of these one-on-one dates and not give out the rose? Give me some suspense, people.
  • What the hell was James Taylor doing with the suspenders during the swing dancing date? He just refused to attach the back of them. Did he think we wouldn’t notice or was it some sort of silent protest to having to wear them for the shot? He took them off pretty quickly into the date but then they were back on for the confessionals. This would be one of my first questions during “The Men Tell All.”
  • “I think you’re an unbelievable father.” JoJo actually said that to Evan this week despite knowing him for a week and never having met his kids to seen him as a parent. This is just as ridiculous as last weeks’ SportsNation “proposals.”
  • Luke looks like a failed country singer.
  • Aaron Rodgers’ brother really needs to work on that one clump of hair that goes rogue every single week. It’s distracting, dude.

Quote of the week

There was a lot to work with this week, but I’m going to go with maybe the most ridiculous out-of-context quote in the time I’ve watched this show.

“Be less like Hitler, be more like Mussolini.” — Drunk Canadian Dude to Chad.

Strong effort from DCD this week. He gained major fiancee points by confronting Chad and telling him to be a moderate-level dictator instead of a Grade-A word we can’t see here.

Tuesday night is going to be awesome.

Alaskan Native Pete Kaiser wins Iditarod sled dog race

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ANCHORAGE, Alaska (AP) Pete Kaiser won the Iditarod early Wednesday, throwing his arms over his head and pumping his fists as he became the latest Alaska Native to claim victory in the iconic sled dog race.

Kaiser, 31, crossed the finish line in Nome after beating back a challenge from the defending champion, Norwegian musher Joar Ulsom.

Crowds cheered and clapped as Kaiser came off the Bering Sea ice and mushed down Nome’s main street to the famed burled arch finish line. His wife and children greeted him, hugging him at the conclusion of the 1,000-mile (1,600-kilometer) race, which began March 3 north of Anchorage.

Kaiser, who is Yupik, is from the southwest Alaska community of Bethel. A large contingent of Bethel residents flew to Nome to witness his victory. Alaska Native dancers and drummers performed near the finish line as they waited for Kaiser to arrive.

Kaiser will receive $50,000 and a new pickup truck for the victory. Four other Alaska Native mushers have won the race, including John Baker, an Inupiaq from Kotzebue, in 2011.

This year’s race was marked by the stunning collapse of Frenchman Nicolas Petit, who was seemingly headed for victory as late as Monday.

Petit, a native of France living in Alaska, had a five-hour lead and was cruising until his dog team stopped running between the Shaktoolik and Koyuk checkpoints.

Petit said one dog was picking on another during a rest break, and he yelled at the dog to knock it off. At that point, the entire team refused to run.

Petit had to withdraw, and the dog team had to be taken back to the previous checkpoint by snowmobile.

Fifty-two mushers began the race in Willow. Petit was among 10 racers who withdrew during the race.

The race took mushers and their dog teams over two mountain ranges, along the frozen Yukon River and then across the treacherous, wind-swept Bering Sea coast to the finish line in Nome.

This year’s race came during a bruising two-year stretch for the Iditarod that included a dog doping scandal and the loss of national sponsors amid protests by animal rights activists.

French musher was leading Iditarod, but then his dogs quit

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ANCHORAGE, Alaska (AP) Musher Nicolas Petit lost a huge lead in the Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Race on Monday when his dog team refused to keep going after he yelled at one of the animals.

A dog named Joey had been fighting with another dog on the team and jumped it during a break on the way to the Bering Sea checkpoint of Koyuk.

“I yelled at Joey, and everybody heard the yelling, and that doesn’t happen,” Petit told the Iditarod Insider website. “And then they wouldn’t go anymore. Anywhere. So we camped here.”

Several mushers passed Petit’s team on the trail, erasing his five-hour lead in the race. Pete Kaiser of Alaska was the first musher into Koyuk, followed 11 minutes later by defending champion Joar Ulsom of Norway.

The checkpoint is 827 miles (1,330 kilometers) into the 1,000-mile (1,600-kilometer) race across Alaska.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, a frequent critic of the race, didn’t immediately return a message seeking comment Monday.

Petit said his dogs are well-fed and there’s no medical issue keeping them from getting up and running.

“It’s just a head thing,” he said. “We’ll see if one of these dog teams coming by will wake them up at all.”

For Petit, it’s another bad memory from the stretch between the Shaktoolik and Koyuk checkpoints.

He was in command of last year’s race when he got off trail during a blizzard and lost the lead. He wound up finishing second behind Ulsom.

“Something about right here, huh?” he mused.

The race started March 2 in Willow, just north of Anchorage. The course through the Alaska wilderness took mushers over two mountain ranges and the frozen Yukon River before they reached the treacherous Bering Sea coast.

The winner is expected to come off the sea ice and mush down Nome’s main street to the finish line sometime in the middle of the week.