The Bachelorette Recap Week 3.1: Bad Chad, Failed Football Players and the next Bachelor

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It’s a two-part, two-episode Bachelorette week! That means TWO, yes TWO hastily-compiled, moderately-incomplete Bachelorette recaps from your 17th-favorite recapper.

It was another Chad-centric week, although this one felt even more combative than last week’s deli meat extrvaganze. Also, we finally got a bit more of the presumptive favorite, Aaron Rodgers’ brother and the random “surprise” country performance in the middle of a date. What if the date doesn’t like country? What if they want Future or Gucci? What if they’re more of an 80’s Joel head? I feel like the Bachelor franchise is really invested in propping up country artists 30 seconds at a time. Personally, I’d rather lose my mind to some March Madness than be serenaded by the 175th song to talk about pickup trucks, red solo cups and dogs.

Anyway, date songs and Chad antics aside (we’ll get there), this week also saw another fairly important development:

MVP

James Taylor is here for the crown!

I’ll admit, the guitar schtick seemed pretty stupid at first (it still is), but JoJo seems to be digging the “dude playing at the open mic 2-3 years too late) vibe JT is putting out. There was definitely a connection when he sang whatever that was on the top of the car. To me, they seem like high school sweethearts who stay together two years too long into college before she leaves him and immediately starts dating the put-together dude in her Psych 302 class.

That said, I think JT is here for a long time and I’m dubbing him the early favorite for the next Bachelor.

The two sides of Chad

Within a 20-minute span, my fiancee said something along the lines of “Chad’s right!” and “Chad is such a (word we can’t use here)!” Thus is the dichotomy of Chad. At once, he’s the most honest person I’ve ever seen on this show and yet that honesty, and the “ALLEGED” roid rage, make him inherently unlikable for long stretches. At once, you want to see more of Chad and see him potentially get punched in the face.

On a related note, Chad’s exit seems to be rapidly approaching, which is a tad surprising. Although I never thought he’d last THAT long, it seems JoJo is far less willing to put up with his crazy mood swings than Ben was with Olivia last season. There’s also a 38-percent chance Chad gets sent home for turning into Wolverine at the pool party in part two of this week.

Chad is right about Evan

Look, no one condones bullying and Chad has definitely gone way too far, but Chad is probably on to something when he says Evan was bullied his whole life and picked this moment to fight back. You have one chance to impress JoJo and you use it to pick a fight and make fun of someone else (WHILE ROCKING THAT HAIRCUT.)? And then you throw down an ultimatum that Chad’s gotta go AND chase down Chris Harrison?!

(Side note: Chris Harrison literally had the “Dude, have you ever watched the show before” face on during that entire talk with Evan. He couldn’t have given less of an eff.)

Chad might be a jerk, but Evan is annoying.

Security rent-a-cops

Does anyone think any of those “security guards” could stop Chad if Chad really decided to unleash berserker mode? Yeah, didn’t think so.

Wanted: Gym setup in house full of workout freaks

Why are the guys lifting weights on a random box in front of the pool? Is there really no gym setup in this house? That seems like a short-sighted move by the showrunners.

Or, and hear me out here, did Chad bring all of those weights with him to the show and refuses to use the gym? I need this question answered.

Aaron Rodgers’ brother

Jordan seemed like a lock for the final two after the first week, but he’s been a background player for most of the past two weeks. We did get an awesome tete-a-tete with ARB and Chad, which Chad simultaneously won and lost (as he’s wont to do) with the “You’re a 27-year-old failed football player” jab.

I’m gonna need to see more from ARB if we’re going to realize my goal of seeing Aaron Rodgers and Olivia Munn having dinner with JoJo at mom and dad’s house.

Random notes

  • JoJo really likes the nails on the back of the neck thing. I can’t tell if she uses it when she’s into the moment or if it’s just her thing.
  • Is JoJo ever going to go on one of these one-on-one dates and not give out the rose? Give me some suspense, people.
  • What the hell was James Taylor doing with the suspenders during the swing dancing date? He just refused to attach the back of them. Did he think we wouldn’t notice or was it some sort of silent protest to having to wear them for the shot? He took them off pretty quickly into the date but then they were back on for the confessionals. This would be one of my first questions during “The Men Tell All.”
  • “I think you’re an unbelievable father.” JoJo actually said that to Evan this week despite knowing him for a week and never having met his kids to seen him as a parent. This is just as ridiculous as last weeks’ SportsNation “proposals.”
  • Luke looks like a failed country singer.
  • Aaron Rodgers’ brother really needs to work on that one clump of hair that goes rogue every single week. It’s distracting, dude.

Quote of the week

There was a lot to work with this week, but I’m going to go with maybe the most ridiculous out-of-context quote in the time I’ve watched this show.

“Be less like Hitler, be more like Mussolini.” — Drunk Canadian Dude to Chad.

Strong effort from DCD this week. He gained major fiancee points by confronting Chad and telling him to be a moderate-level dictator instead of a Grade-A word we can’t see here.

Tuesday night is going to be awesome.

Video: Bowler sets record for quickest perfect game

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Ten lanes, 120 pins and 86.9 seconds.

That’s what it took for Ben Ketola to set the world record for quickest perfect game in bowling.

Ketola hustled from lane to lane at 281 Bowl in Cortland, N.Y., nailing strike after strike with his two-handed release on his way to a historic 300.

The United States Bowling Congress does not keep records for speed, but Ketola knocked off pro bowler Tom Dougherty’s 2015 time of 90.99 seconds.

After releasing what would be his 10th strike, Ketola decided to dart across the alley and take aim once again at the first lane, entirely neglecting that Lane 8 was primed and ready just two spots away from him.

Regardless, the move leaves room for the 23-year-old from Preble, N.Y. to shed some time on his next run.

Team Ninja Warrior premieres Tuesday on USA Network

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As if USA Network’s Tuesday night didn’t have enough firepower already, competition series Team Ninja Warrior will premier its 11-part second season on April 18 at 10 p.m. ET following WWE Smackdown.

Team Ninja Warrior, which is part of the Emmy-nominated franchise “American Ninja Warrior,” pits three-person squads against each other on side-by-side obstacle courses that will push the athletes’ endurance and speed. The series debuted on Esquire last year and became the network’s most popular original series for 2016.

“With this powerful franchise, we’re giving our passionate audience three full hours of jam-packed, high-stakes action every Tuesday night,” said Chris McCumber, President of Entertainment Networks at NBCUniversal Cable Entertainment.

This season, fan-favorite “American Ninja Warrior” competitors combine to form 28 teams, each with two men and one woman. The stars will battle for bragging rights and settle their rivalries on the warped wall and other demanding obstacles.

Jake Murray, Brian Arnold and Jennifer Tavernier enter the second season as returning champions with team Party Time. The group will be tested in its opening round, though, when it faces the Norcal Ninjas, comprised of David Campbell, Brian Kretsch and Anna Shumaker.

The first heat of their battle puts Murray, one of the fastest ninjas in the competition, against Kretsch, an experienced trainer who has run in every season of “American Ninja Warrior.”

Comedian Matt Iseman and former NFL player Akbar Gbaja-Biamila return to host series as Alex Curry joins the crew as a sideline reporter.