The Bachelorette Recap Week 2: Protein powder, luggage pull-ups and deli meat extravaganza

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Adios, Aaron Rodgers’ brother. Hello, Chad. This was the week of the Meathead and my lord has there ever been a better (or worse) advertisement for protein powder, travel luggage and deli meat.

I’ve heard a lot of guys say the Bachelor is a better watch — for all the stereotypical reasons you’re probably thinking — but this week’s episode of the Bachelorette was proof positive there isn’t much as uniquely enjoyable as a bunch of yoked-up, steroided (is that a word?) DudeBros pitted against each other and forced to mansplain what it really means to be in love.

So, without further adieu…

MVP

I can’t even imagine the look on the producers’ faces when they put together the footage from this week. Chad dominated the episode the same way he dominated those luggage pull-ups. It was like watching Sammy Sosa in 1998. You know there’s some sort of strange and possibly banned substance fueling the madness, but it’s just so damn entertaining. It’s hard to put everything he did into cogent sentences, so here’s my Chad notes in chronological order of the show:

  • Chad seems like a massive jerk. Producer edit?
  • Is there no gym in the house, Chad? He really just put all his protein powders in a suitcase and did pull-ups on a gondola. Seriously.
  • Chad is both the most real and the biggest ass.
  • Chad and Drunk Canadian Dude are BFFs and it’s perfect.
  • Chad is Olivia.
    • This deserves a sub-bullet because I’m damn proud of this realization. We can only hope the producers force JoJo string Chad along for long enough to dump him crying on an island in the rain in the middle of nowhere.
  • Chad makes some pretty fair points during the SportsNation segment.
  • Chad is eating a lot of deli meats.
  • Chad is eating again!!
  • Holy crap, is Chad eating deli meats during the rose ceremony? Yep, he is.

Chad, man. You are a hero to meatheads everywhere.

One more on Chad

Yes, there’s a lot of Chad in this recap, but can we circle back and talk about his SportsNation moment? Yeah, you probably shouldn’t call the Bachelorette a nag, but he was DEAD RIGHT about all of the dudes on this show. They met this woman days ago and they’re supposed to explain all the ways they love her? You might be a massive tool Chad, but you were the most honest guy on a fake reality TV show designed to sell “love” and jack up Instagram followers.

Ben

I asked my fiancee at one point, “How many times has Ben been mentioned?” I lost count, but it seems like it should be a bit of warning sign that JoJo can’t stop talking about her ex. Just saying.

Ridiculous professions

This week: “Hipster.” “Bachelor Superfan.” “Former Pro Quarterback.” Tremendous. I’m looking forward to the day someone lists “Tweeter.”

Aaron Rodgers’ brother

Quiet week for the (still) frontrunner, but a couple notes here.

  • One, how many times are you gonna mention Aaron? I might have to start counting.
  • THAT’S your TD dance, bro?

Random observations

  • One week after talking about how she wanted kisses to be special, JoJo is making out with EVERYONE.
  • That one dude who got a rose and was wearing a half-zip sweater probably has a closet full of half-zips.
  • Who wrote that JoJo song and why hasn’t it been released on someone’s SoundCloud account, yet?
  • Did Max Kellerman wear the three-piece suit because he knew he was going to be on Bachelorette?

Quote of the week

There were so many from Chad to pick from, but I’ll go with a low-key hilarious one:

“It was like the Care Bears surrounded you and told you they were gonna kick your ass.”

Two episodes next week! Twice the Chad! Oh boy.

Nassar victim: Michigan State leader offered secret payoff

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LANSING, Mich. – A sexual assault victim of former sports doctor Larry Nassar confronted Michigan State University officials on Friday, alleging the school’s interim leader offered a payoff to settle her lawsuit and pressured her to do so without her attorney present.

Kaylee Lorincz spoke during a contentious board of trustees meeting, where interim President John Engler expressed regret over the university’s response to another woman’s federal lawsuit over the schools handling of rape allegations involving basketball players. Lorincz, who has said Larry Nassar sexually assaulted her when she sought treatment for back pain, said Engler and his attorney offered her $250,000 when the teen and her mother were at the school a few weeks ago to sign up to speak at Friday’s meeting.

According to Lorincz, Engler said to her, “Right now if I wrote you a check for $250,000 would you take it?”

Lorincz said Engler also claimed another Nassar victim had given him an amount she would consider to settle with the university. Lorincz said she felt “bullied” by the encounter.

Engler didn’t immediately respond to her comments. His spokeswoman, Emily Guerrant, said she was in the room during the conversation and does not remember Engler offering a dollar figure.

“My interpretation of the discussion was not that he was saying, `I’m offering you $250,000,”‘ she said. “It was a discussion about the civil litigation and how it was going on.”

Lorincz addressed Engler in a room brimming with protesters, parents and sexual assault victims of Nassar, now serving decades in prison for molesting women and girls and for possessing child pornography. Lorincz was among roughly 250 women who gave statements earlier this year during Nassar’s sentencing hearings in two Michigan courtrooms.

In a separate case, a woman filed a lawsuit Monday saying the university’s counselors discouraged her from filing a police report after three Michigan State basketball players allegedly raped her in 2015. She accuses the school of violating Title IX protocol and claims staff made it clear that “she faced an uphill battle that would create anxiety and unwanted media attention” should she report her rape.

The university’s immediate response to reporters asking about the lawsuit was to decline comment. But on Wednesday it issued a lengthy statement that detailed staff interaction with the woman.

The university faced criticism over that response from people who say it violated privacy laws.

Engler acknowledged Friday that the school “provided an unnecessary amount of detail” about the case, saying some people saw the response as “violating privacy expectations.”

Engler became interim president after Lou Anna Simon resigned in January hours after Nassar was sentenced to decades in prison for crimes involving Michigan State athletes. Students remain anxious over the future course of the university, which has yet to choose a permanent replacement for Simon.

In Friday’s board meeting, Engler attempted to steer focus toward celebrating milestones of the university’s graduating seniors but was frequently usurped by boos and jeers from a crowd clad in teal shirts with the phrase, “I stand with the sister survivors (hash)MeTooMSU.” Some Nassar victims wrapped their mouths with black bands that had the phrase “Silenced” scrawled over them.

Parents of victims were left in the lobby downstairs because their posters of their children’s faces were considered “signs” and thus barred from the meeting room. Protesters who were able to attend instead held up cellphones with childhood pictures of victims.

During the meeting, Engler proposed a 2.97 percent tuition increase, the third lowest in 20 years. Earlier he had teased the possibility of heavy tuition increases should the school’s lawsuits over the Nassar controversy continue to snowball financially.

During public testimony, Engler and his board were castigated for how he handled the public fallout over the past few months and repeatedly told to resign.

“You sponsored my assault,” dancer Morgan McCaul, a Nassar victim, said. “Your time is up. Resign.”

As McCaul’s testimony concluded, the crowd joined her in chanting, “Shame on you,” at the board.

Sportscaster Dick Enberg dies at 82

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SAN DIEGO — Dick Enberg, the longtime sportscaster who got his big break with UCLA basketball and went on to call Super Bowls, Olympics, Final Fours and Angels and Padres baseball games, died Thursday. He was 82.

Engberg’s daughter, Nicole, confirmed the death to The Associated Press. She said the family became concerned when he didn’t arrive on his flight to Boston on Thursday, and that he was found dead at his home in La Jolla, a San Diego neighborhood, with his bags packed.

“He was dressed with his bags packed at the door,” wife Barbara told the Union-Tribune. “We think it was a heart attack.”

Enberg retired in October 2016 after a 60-year career – and countless calls of “Oh my!” in describing a play that nearly defied description. He also was well-known for his baseball catchphrase of “Touch `em all” for home runs.

Raised in Armada, Michigan, Enberg’s first radio job was actually as a radio station custodian in Mount Pleasant, Michigan, when he was a junior at Central Michigan. He made $1 an hour. The owner also gave him weekend sports and disc jockey gigs, also at $1 an hour. From there he began doing high school and college football games.

During his nine years broadcasting UCLA basketball, the Bruins won eight NCAA titles. Enberg broadcast nine no-hitters, including two by San Francisco’s Tim Lincecum against the Padres in 2013 and 2014.

He said the most historically important event he covered was “The Game of the Century,” Houston’s victory over UCLA in 1968 that snapped the Bruins’ 47-game winning streak.

“That was the platform from which college basketball’s popularity was sent into the stratosphere,” Enberg said. “The `79 game, the Magic-Bird game, everyone wants to credit that as the greatest game of all time That was just the booster rocket that sent it even higher. … UCLA, unbeaten; Houston, unbeaten. And then the thing that had to happen, and Coach Wooden hated when I said this, but UCLA had to lose. That became a monumental event.”

Enberg’s many former broadcast partners included Merlin Olsen, Al McGuire, Billy Packer, Don Drysdale and Tony Gwynn. He even worked a few games with Wooden, whom he called “The greatest man I’ve ever known other than my own father.” Enberg called Padres games for seven seasons and went into the broadcasters’ wing of the Hall of Fame in 2015.

John Ireland, the radio voice of the Los Angeles Lakers, tweeted that “If there was a Mount Rushmore of LA Sports Announcers, Dick Enberg is on it with Chick Hearn, Vin Scully and Bob Miller. Rams, Angels, UCLA, NBC, and so much more. Was the first famous announcer I ever met, and he couldn’t have been nicer. Definition of a gentleman.”

Enberg won 13 Sports Emmy Awards and a Lifetime Achievement Emmy. He received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, and UCLA named its Media Center in Pauley Pavilion after Enberg this year.

“Kindest, most proactive possible treatment of newcomers in this business, for the length of his career,” broadcaster Keith Olbermann said of Enberg on Twitter. “What a terrible loss.”