The Bachelorette Recap Week 2: Protein powder, luggage pull-ups and deli meat extravaganza

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Adios, Aaron Rodgers’ brother. Hello, Chad. This was the week of the Meathead and my lord has there ever been a better (or worse) advertisement for protein powder, travel luggage and deli meat.

I’ve heard a lot of guys say the Bachelor is a better watch — for all the stereotypical reasons you’re probably thinking — but this week’s episode of the Bachelorette was proof positive there isn’t much as uniquely enjoyable as a bunch of yoked-up, steroided (is that a word?) DudeBros pitted against each other and forced to mansplain what it really means to be in love.

So, without further adieu…

MVP

I can’t even imagine the look on the producers’ faces when they put together the footage from this week. Chad dominated the episode the same way he dominated those luggage pull-ups. It was like watching Sammy Sosa in 1998. You know there’s some sort of strange and possibly banned substance fueling the madness, but it’s just so damn entertaining. It’s hard to put everything he did into cogent sentences, so here’s my Chad notes in chronological order of the show:

  • Chad seems like a massive jerk. Producer edit?
  • Is there no gym in the house, Chad? He really just put all his protein powders in a suitcase and did pull-ups on a gondola. Seriously.
  • Chad is both the most real and the biggest ass.
  • Chad and Drunk Canadian Dude are BFFs and it’s perfect.
  • Chad is Olivia.
    • This deserves a sub-bullet because I’m damn proud of this realization. We can only hope the producers force JoJo string Chad along for long enough to dump him crying on an island in the rain in the middle of nowhere.
  • Chad makes some pretty fair points during the SportsNation segment.
  • Chad is eating a lot of deli meats.
  • Chad is eating again!!
  • Holy crap, is Chad eating deli meats during the rose ceremony? Yep, he is.

Chad, man. You are a hero to meatheads everywhere.

One more on Chad

Yes, there’s a lot of Chad in this recap, but can we circle back and talk about his SportsNation moment? Yeah, you probably shouldn’t call the Bachelorette a nag, but he was DEAD RIGHT about all of the dudes on this show. They met this woman days ago and they’re supposed to explain all the ways they love her? You might be a massive tool Chad, but you were the most honest guy on a fake reality TV show designed to sell “love” and jack up Instagram followers.

Ben

I asked my fiancee at one point, “How many times has Ben been mentioned?” I lost count, but it seems like it should be a bit of warning sign that JoJo can’t stop talking about her ex. Just saying.

Ridiculous professions

This week: “Hipster.” “Bachelor Superfan.” “Former Pro Quarterback.” Tremendous. I’m looking forward to the day someone lists “Tweeter.”

Aaron Rodgers’ brother

Quiet week for the (still) frontrunner, but a couple notes here.

  • One, how many times are you gonna mention Aaron? I might have to start counting.
  • THAT’S your TD dance, bro?

Random observations

  • One week after talking about how she wanted kisses to be special, JoJo is making out with EVERYONE.
  • That one dude who got a rose and was wearing a half-zip sweater probably has a closet full of half-zips.
  • Who wrote that JoJo song and why hasn’t it been released on someone’s SoundCloud account, yet?
  • Did Max Kellerman wear the three-piece suit because he knew he was going to be on Bachelorette?

Quote of the week

There were so many from Chad to pick from, but I’ll go with a low-key hilarious one:

“It was like the Care Bears surrounded you and told you they were gonna kick your ass.”

Two episodes next week! Twice the Chad! Oh boy.

Helicopter carrying WWE exec makes emergency ocean landing

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GILGO BEACH, N.Y. (AP) The son of World Wrestling Entertainment CEO Vince McMahon has been rescued unhurt from a helicopter that made an emergency landing in the ocean waters off New York.

Shane McMahon was the passenger in the Robinson R 44 helicopter that came down in the Atlantic Ocean off Long Island’s Gilgo Beach late Wednesday morning. The red aircraft could be seen bobbing on its bright yellow pontoons as small boats circled.

Shane McMahon is also a WWE executive. His mother is Linda McMahon, who heads the Small Business Administration in President Donald Trump’s White House.

The Federal Aviation Administration says the helicopter had taken off from Westchester County Airport in White Plains. The pilot issued a mayday call before going into the water.

It’s not yet clear what went wrong.

Tag is now a professional sport and it’s kind of awesome

@worldchasetag
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Playing tag is probably one of the most common activities played during elementary school recess. Chasing each other around asphalt playgrounds in a game of tag is simple and, frankly, quite a work out. But now this simple sport is becoming a social-media craze thanks to World Chase Tag.

The organization describes chase tag as “High Intensity Interval training (HIIT), that’s great for aerobic fitness, agility, balance and core strength.”

World Chase Tag has their own set of rules and terminology for different types of matches, whether it’s a Chase Tag Team Chase Off, Chase Tag Multiplayer or Chase Tag Chase Off.

In a game of cat-and-mouse, two people chase after each other in a spotlit arena with obstacles like platforms and bars. Athletes run, jump and slide in attempt to either chase or run away from the other while crowds cheer on from the sidelines.

World Chase Tag meet ups have taken place in several countries like London, India and Japan, and prize money is even offered to the two athletes with the best chase (based on viewer voting).

Who said recess games are only for kids?